Harry Potter Goes Bonkers
by Narnboy
Summary: After all, even if you cornered her and asked... who besides Harry understood owl-speak?    After OOTP, Harry's friends question his methods of dealing.
1. Part 1

**Harry Potter Goes Bonkers**

Part One

Harry Potter had gone bonkers. At least that's what his friends were saying.

Ron was the first to notice. When Harry showed up after his annual stay with his relatives in the summer of his 16th year, it was quite plain.

Yes, everyone at the Burrow _knew_ that Harry was dealing with the death of Sirius, and the injuries of his friends, in the disastrous invasion of the Department of Mysteries. Yes, Ron himself knew that Harry was more fragile emotionally than most people realized. Harry had only spoken to their professors of his nightmares about Voldemort. He had never mentioned the nightmares about his home life. And Ron never mentioned that Harry talked in his sleep during _those_ nightmares, too.

But that had no bearing on Harry's behaviour now.

They expected Harry to have bouts of depression. They expected him to try to isolate himself away from everybody, and to try to shut them out so he didn't lead anyone else into harm's way. A few crying fits and shouting matches were also in the forecast for the rest of the summer. They were not upset when Harry lived up to those expectations.

But Harry also went on long walks with only Hedwig as his companion. Not too unexpected, unless you watched him and figured out he was having long 'conversations' with the stupid bird. You'd see Harry's mouth move, his arms wave frantically, and catch all of his glances in Hedwig's direction. Then you'd see him pause... and Hedwig's beak would open and close a few times. Her wings would flutter and rustle. Occasionally she would nuzzle his face, or snap at his ear.

And it wasn't only on long walks. You could also hear Harry's voice murmur through the door of Percy's room late at night, if you just happened to be making a late visit to the loo. A light under the door was never visible, but the soft clucking of Hedwig's replies confirmed that Harry was at least looking for the bend to go round.

Worse, he'd not deny it if you asked him about it. He'd give a short 'Yeah I talk to Hedwig, at least she lets me finish my thoughts' answer, then refuse to say anything about the the _subject_ of his conversations with her. Instead he would hem and haw, try to get out of committing himself to an answer, and then finally say he was not permitted to talk about it. As if _Hedwig_ would get upset if he told anyone else what they talked about!

Bonkers!

Another sign of his impending insanity was the conversations he had with real people. They started with the expected apologies for causing so much trouble. Promises that he wouldn't let anyone else get hurt soon followed. Again, nothing that wasn't already in other people's minds, and therefore not shocking when he brought them up.

But then he started talking about changing his approach to the War.

It started innocently enough. Harry was complaining bitterly about the way He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (by name of course!) leading him around by the nose. The constant traps and snares that the Dark Lord had all the time in the world to set for him. The unending supply of Death Eaters that jumped unquestioningly to fulfil every 'request' of his enemy. Not to mention the inability to tell friend from foe any time The-Boy-Who-Lived stepped out into the public's eye.

The Daily Prophet was invariably mentioned as part of the problem. Harry had decided, through some leap of muggle logic, that he was actually fighting this Wizarding war on several fronts, instead of just a battle of wits with an insane insurrectionist over life's natural order. No, this war also included a public opinion front, with the V-demon gaining ground all of the time. Negative stories about Harry had caused many good people to doubt his ability to fulfil their expectations of him. Doubters were not automatically followers of the Dark, but by not actively supporting the Light they certainly didn't slow the evil down.

Harry barely mentioned the obvious third front - the corruption of the Ministry of Magic that wanted to keep the War going so it could maintain power. That was a symptom, not a threat.

By the week before Harry's birthday the entire family had heard most of his views on the subject. Or so they thought. Hedwig continued to be a listening post for Harry's developing mental attitudes, and also provided a lot of privacy on what he was really thinking. After all, even if you cornered her and asked... who besides _Harry_ understood owl-speak?

Around this time Hedwig started making a lot of trips. Ron and Ginny tried to casually find out who Harry was sending letters to; after all, besides the Weasleys and Hermione, who was Harry close enough to to have frequent owlposts with? Harry was definitely unresponsive in his answers. In fact he was so unresponsive, he was obviously evasive. After a week of trying to be casual Ron finally out right _asked _who Hedwig was taking messages to, only to be shocked when Harry out right _answered_.

It seems that Harry had been sending a lot of letters to old friends of his parents, trying to find out more about them. Since no one that he had frequent contact with would talk about his parents in front of him (including Molly and Arthur he pointed out) he had decided to contact people that knew them in school. All of the replies were sent to Neville Longbottom's house, and Nev bundled them together and forwarded them on to Harry. That covered the security issue over Hedwig's many trips to people that may or may not be under the influence of the Dark, at least in Harry's mind.

After some consideration, Ron agreed on the issue, but still questioned the surreptitious methods Harry was using, to which Harry replied that he had overheard the redhead's parents discussing what information Harry was to be given. He didn't want to be stopped before he had started, so he didn't discuss it.

Plain and simple, right? Not when Ron saw the next batch of packages that Hedwig delivered. He easily recognized the logo for Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions. If Harry was trying to get information on his parents, why was Madam Malkin sending him packages? It didn't help that the green-eyed boy just blushed and hid the packages in his (temporary) room...

The next day Ron talked Harry into flying for the afternoon. On Ron's request, Ginny snuck into Percy's old room to snoop through Harry's things, to try to find out what was going on in his head. First to appear to her prying eyes was the stacks of letters on the desk. A quick glance confirmed that Harry had told the truth about contacting Lily and James' schoolmates. Then under the bed she found a box of animagus spell books. Pushing that aside as being outside her mission she opened the wardrobe. She found the package from Madam Malkin's and opened it carefully.

At supper that night Ginny stared at her plate and refused to talk to anyone. Molly sent her to bed since she seemed ill. She wasn't really ill. She was just in shock. She couldn't get her mind around that fact that the robes in the box were for a person Harry's height... and build... and female.

When she finally told her brother two days later, they both agreed...

BONKERS!


	2. Part 2

Part Two

Harry's strange behaviour continued during the shopping trip to Diagon Alley for school supplies.

Instead of stay quiet and trying not to get noticed Harry spoke loudly, said hi to a lot of people whether he knew them or not, and even struck up the occasional short conversation with strangers and shopkeepers. His actual comments changed often, but the content was the same... 'Some great and powerful Lord the dark one turned out to be'. Ron and Ginny weren't very clear what Harry was attempting to accomplish, but every time the group stopped, someone was hearing how _ineffectual_ both the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters were.

'Can't even kill a baby in his crib.' 'He's faced me five times since I first held a wand...' 'Is he really that afraid of Dumbledore?' 'He was only able to kill my mother because she wasn't defending herself. She was pleading for my life instead.'

That last one bothered Ron the most. As he understood it, Harry didn't want anyone to know what his memories were when he was confronted by a Dementor, so why was he bringing them up so publicly? Then again, Harry wasn't telling those in Diagon Alley _how_ he knew that, just stating it as a fact.

And then the reporters started finding them. Ron noticed his friend smirk slightly, and looked to see what had amused him. Not twenty feet away he noticed a Daily Prophet reporter standing in the crowd, quill literally humming along writing down every quote Harry was making. Turning his back towards Harry (who hadn't paused in his conversation with the parents of a second year Hufflepuff and a fourth year Ravenclaw) Ron saw a Wizard Wireless Network Reporter with a recorder getting sound bites for their next broadcast. A quick spin noticed three other quills furiously dashing out Harry's conversation.

"... But don't get too lazy, okay folks? Just because he's not as all-powerful as he claims to be doesn't mean he won't have a temper tantrum as soon as I say this. He'll try to hurt as many people as possible to make people believe he's an important man, and to forget that he's just a fool with a single wand. If the Ministry really wanted him gone they would have just sent in twenty wizards to overpower him twenty years ago.

"Just remember... the next time the Prophet tells you Voldemort is on a rampage it's because he's not capable of taking me on. He just wants to make you think that I'm the one avoiding him. Well he knows where I am, and is too afraid of both Albus Dumbledore and myself to come near the place."

"Wait a minute, young man. Are you challenging the Dark Lord to come to Hogwarts? Should I pull my kids out of there?" said a frightened father.

"No, no. You're kids are perfectly safe at Hogwarts. Besides the Headmaster and myself being there to protect them, I'm sure the Ministry wouldn't leave your children unguarded. Even now the Auror Corps is most likely setting up a rotating detail of Aurors and Unspeakables to guard everyone. I mean what else are they going to do? They've proven they're too afraid to go after the real threat themselves, so they'll have to settle for protecting the most precious magical items there are... your children. After all, if Voldemort kills all the children, the Wizarding world dies no matter who is in control when it happens."

"Now if you'll excuse me, I need to finish shopping with my friends before I go back to the Minister's home. He's agreed to house me until school starts; for his own protection, of course. Have a good day."

Despite his protestations of 'shopping' to do, Harry and the Weasleys almost immediately went back to the Burrow, the family through the Leaky Cauldron and Harry through the floo in Fred and George's shop. Not a bad way to protect his real destination.

He was met back at the Burrow by the entire family staring at him like he was bonkers.

The train ride back to Hogwarts was... quiet. Ron and Hermione, as prefects, were roaming up and down the train maintaining order. Ginny was still not talking comfortably with Harry because of the odd package of robes. Hedwig apparently was sleeping the whole way. And then there was Nev and Luna. Nev and Luna had apparently been instructed by their respective guardians to avoid all talk about Harry's Diagon Alley trip, at least in public. They both ignored Harry after saying hello, and chatted quietly with each other and Ginny the whole trip.

When Malfoy opened the compartment door to see who was in there, he took one look at Potter and slammed the door shut again. Harry smiled to himself and went back to the spell book he was reading.

As the returning students reached the front doors of the castle Professor McGonagall got the attention of her famous student. Guiding him into an alcove she told him that his little 'conversation' in the Alley had caused the various news outlets to insist on reporters being present as school started up in order to confirm the safety of the children. Harry's smile at hearing this caused the witch to step back and consider her pupil more seriously.

"Harry Potter! If I didn't know better I'd swear you were plotting something! Now the reporters will be here through first curfew. The headmaster wants you in his office five minutes after they leave to explain yourself and the position you've put this school into. And I'm sure after that the Minister will like to know why his home was attacked three times in the last two weeks."

Harry just replied, "Only until first curfew? I'd better hurry then. Make sure you stay in the great hall after the feast please, Ma'am. I'll need your help with a transfiguration." He hurried into the school doors, trying to get away before she could get a single syllable out.

She got out two before he couldn't hear her anymore. "BONKERS!"

Several minutes later Seamus and Dean walked into their dorm room to put their trunks away before the feast. The sight that greeted them made them stop dead in their tracks. Harry had unfolded his special package from Madam Malkin's and was running several cleaning and ironing spells over it.

Their questions on what was going on stumbled out of their mouths so quickly the green-eyed boy fell over laughing trying to understand what they were saying. Once he finally recovered and figured out what they were asking he just replied, "Just getting ready for the feast. You guys go ahead and I'll be down shortly." He then turned back to the task at hand.

He heard them shut the door behind them and he shot a quick locking spell on the door. He then pulled a second package out and repeated the same cleaning and ironing spells on it. He managed to be downstairs for the feast only two minutes before the headmaster stood to start the school year.

Fortunately for his plans, neither the reporters nor his friends had time to interrogate him before the opening speech.


	3. Part 3

Part Three

The new first-years came in and were sorted, and Harry cheered as loudly as anybody else, apparently back to his normal self. Professor Dumbledore rose to give the start of year notices. He included several comments aimed towards the reporters, reminding them not to harass the students too much, etc. It was all very routine, at least until he started those famous last words.

"Let the-"

"Excuse me Headmaster." Harry Potter had stood up at the Gryffindor table. "Before we begin eating may I say a couple of things?"

"I'm sure, young man, that anything you have to say can wait...?" Dumbledore said in a leading tone.

"Actually, sir, if I can speak now I can assure you the reporters will have better things to do than harass my classmates. And if I can get through this now, I'll be able to eat better. You know how it is to try to eat when you're nervous." Harry gave a nervous chuckle, just to prove how nervous he was.

"Well, when you put it that way; if you'll be brief you may continue," was the response, measured by the knowledge that he had a larger audience than usual for this particular gathering.

"Thank you sir. Professor McGonagall? I asked for your help earlier, but my timing was off. Would you mind coming down here now?" As the Transfigurations Instructor moved away from the top table, Harry moved away from his house table and towards the door of the great hall.

"I would like to thank the many news outlets for coming tonight to ensure that my schoolmates and I are being properly protected. I'm sure my unguarded comments from a few weeks ago stirred up some anxiety, which was never my intention. On the other hand, if you'll give me just ten minutes I can give you physical proof of how incompetent the one who gave me this scar is." He had reached the doors and stepped outside of them for a moment.

Several students noticed Hedwig swoop in through the mail owl openings up near the ceiling. She floated down and landed on Professor McGonagall's shoulder just as the teacher reached Harry's side.

Harry had pulled a large cabinet in through the doors. It was obviously a handmade box, as it was both unpainted and unevenly constructed. Approximately eight feet tall, it had a width of about 4 feet across. This didn't fool a single witch or wizard, as they all knew of expansion charms.

Leading his head of house over to the box the young wizard quietly asked her to step inside and see if he had properly transfigured the interior. Confused, the professor did as she was asked. Hedwig was still on her shoulder.

Inside, Minerva was amazed. For such a shabbily designed exterior the interior was exquisite. The tiled walls in shades of white and pink, countertops at just the right height, wrap around mirrors, this fitting room had the works! She even opened several cupboards and found them fully stocked with the proper toiletries. The only thing that bothered her was that it was obviously a lady's fitting room, not a gentleman's. When had Harry Potter, of all people, been in a lady's fitting room enough to know what to put in one?

Turning around to step back out she froze. The most beautiful dress hung there, waiting to be put on. She was broken out of her trance by Hedwig leaving her shoulder. Automatically she followed the bird's short hop down to the floor.

Meanwhile, Harry had begun pacing outside the box. To the consternation of the reporters, he refused to answer any questions, to make any comments, or to be distracted from the strange box. Finally after three minutes Madam McGonagall opened the door and whispered something to him.

A huge smile broke across his face. As the box door closed with his professor still in it, Harry strode proudly halfway to the front of the room. As he reached the centre of the room he spun and faced the box, the grin still splitting his face in two. The abrupt change brought the quiet whispers in the room to a complete standstill.

Harry then reached up and undid the fastens on his uniform's outer robe. Shrugging it off of his shoulders he wadded it up and tossed it to Hermione, who sat there stunned while it hit her in the face.

Harry was wearing dress robes underneath. NOT the slim green dress that would have just matched the colour of his eyes that Ginny had found when going through his things. No, this was a proper Wizard's set of Dress Robes for special occasions. Shimmering fabric that was deep blue when you looked directly at any portion of it, tinting lighter as it moved out of your direct inspection. Broad shouldered, tapering towards the waist and then flaring out for plenty of dancing room for your legs. Sleeves that bulged firmly over his biceps, slimmed over the elbows and then flared dramatically towards the wrists; all in the blue colour of the robes themselves, only reversed: Light when stared at, dark in the corners of your eyes.

Colin Creevey was glad that he never went anywhere without his camera. He managed four photos.

Harry never noticed. He was too busy trembling in anticipation, staring at the almost-rectangle of a door in front of him. Noticing this, Neville Longbottom stood and grabbed Harry's hand in support. It was squeezed tightly, although Neville was sure Harry didn't even know he was there.

Finally the door opened a crack. Seeing as this was the signal that Harry was waiting for, he took one step forward and realized he had too many hands. Grinning shyly at Nev he dropped the extra hand and started his big announcement.

"Ladies and Gentlemen. I have told you all that my enemy is an incompetent fool. As proof of this, may I introduce to you..." Harry paused and waited for the box to open completely.

Minerva McGonagall stepped out, eyes dazzled by shock, leading someone else. A woman with bright red hair, wearing the slim green dress that just matched the colour of her eyes. Sleeveless, cut low in front and properly adorned with the ribbons and bows that tantalized those who yearned to see more, and accented with sapphire brooch and earrings.

Potions Master Severus Snape fainted.

Every person watching stood in astonishment as Harry finished his introduction.

"My mother, Lily Evans Potter!"

The room went bonkers!


	4. Part 4

Part Four

An hour later, after Matron Pomfrey had revived Professor Snape, Professor McGonagall had given up her seat at the head table to both Mrs Potter and her son (going to sit at the table with her House), and Headmaster Dumbledore had been reminded (twice) to start the feast, there was a commotion at the door of the Great Hall.

Harry looked up and saw Cornelius Fudge step out from behind the homemade fitting room. He immediately stood up, drew his wand, and shouted "Patronus!" The members of the unofficial defence group that Harry had formed the year before had kept their eyes on their leader and immediately repeated his actions.

The Minister of Magic, therefore, walked into the great hall of Hogwarts to the sight of two dozen misty white shapes, ranging from the firm-edged Potter's Stag and Longbottom's Hare down to six non-corporeal clouds, all facing him and preparing for battle. Wisely he didn't say anything immediately, although he did freeze in place. Wisely because there was still the table of reporters in the corner of the room, all shouting 'Accio Quill'.

Albus Dumbledore, however, _did_ open his mouth. "Potter!" he roared, "Have you gone bonkers?"

In the deathly silent room, all ears tuned in to hear the response. The Patroni never as much as twitched as their summoners waited for Harry's orders to attack. Lily Potter just stood behind her son with her hands on his shoulders, as she had not had time to acquire a wand.

"Minister Fudge!" Harry said in a voice amplified with the Sonorus spell. "Look at your legacy. A generation of witches and wizards who grab their wands to defend themselves at the first sign of the Minister of Magic. And not just any defence; they call Patroni to defend themselves from the Dark creatures you surround yourself with." With that the only sound in the room was the scratching of the quills at the reporters' table.

The Minister nervously responded, "I don't have any creatures with me, Dark or otherwise."

"Then this is the first time I have seen you at Hogwarts without at least two Dementors. Three years ago a prisoner escaped from Azkaban and you sent thirty soul suckers to attack the school train. Those same creatures fouled the air of the school grounds for the entire year, including their attack on a Quidditch game. The following year you brought them to the Triwizard Tournament, where they Kissed someone everyone believed to be a school instructor without his even getting a trial. You have shown up for meetings with our Headmaster, the Supreme Mugwump Dumbledore, with two or three of them in tow, trying to intimidate him into curtailing the classes the students are permitted to take."

Minister Fudge took two steps backwards.

Harry then sneered and turned to the reporters in the corner. "It is my opinion that any Ministry official that feels the necessity of using Dark and Restricted creatures as bodyguards does not have the best wishes of the Wizarding world on his agenda, let alone at the top of the list." Harry then sat back down, although his Stag remained in front of the Head Table.

Fudge finally found his voice. "Dumbledore! How dare you let that boy claim I'm in league with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named!"

"Cornelius, while young Potter most certainly did NOT hint, claim or accuse you of any such association, I see you are not disputing his facts about the number of times you have brought my students into contact with Dementors, intentionally or otherwise. As for permitting him to speak, that was implied when I asked him to explain his use of the Patronus spell, even if the request was in a lot fewer words than that."

At Fudge's distressed look, the headmaster continued. "Now why have you decided to grace us with your unannounced presence during our Sorting Feast?"

The Minister slipped into his smooth condescending manner that he used in meetings with annoying groups that he needed on his side even if he couldn't stand them. "I came to discuss the security measures for the school year. I wanted to make sure they were all to your satisfaction, Headmaster."

Harry whispered to his mother, conveniently 'forgetting' that he still had the Sonorus charm on his voice, "He's bonkers if he expects us to believe that; he'd have gone straight to the Professor's office if that was the case, instead of heading straight to the room where the reporters are expected to be at."

"Members of the media; please remember my no harassment order from earlier and specifically who I said was covered by it. Mr Potter, please cancel your Sonorus and Patronus spells. I'll protect the students just as I defeated Grindelwald. That goes for the rest of you students, too."

Headmaster Dumbledore hustled the Minister of Magic and at least half of the reporters into one of the rooms off of the Great Hall. It was most definitely _not_ the room the Champions were instructed in during the Triwizard Tournament of a few years back. From his viewpoint at the head table Harry saw that instead of cases full of trophies this room had shelves full of knickknacks; he figured they were most likely the 'best-of-the-best' of students' transfiguration projects.

After another half hour the Heads of Houses started ushering the students back to their dorms for the evening. Most of the students were reluctant to go, too entranced by the sight of an ecstatic Harry Potter glowing brightly at the top table next to his (previously thought) dead mother.

The last stragglers were even more reluctant when Harry suggested the reporters gather at the ends of the house tables for an informal interview. The flying instructor, Madam Hooch, escorted Lily to 'powder their noses', leaving Harry virtually unattended for his interview. When Dumbledore discovered this later, he muttered under his breath that the whole school had gone bonkers over the summer.

Some of Harry's quotes included:

Voldemort couldn't even research his intended victims correctly. If he had, he would have known that both my parents were Animagi, and adjusted his attack accordingly. - Quoted by WWN

Of course I wasn't at the minister's house this summer. The Dark Lord knows as well as everybody else that the minister's mansion is one of the most warded places there is. Only a fool would believe that everything one sees printed in a paper or overhears is absolutely true. Always get confirmation of your facts before you act. - Quoted by The Quibbler

Why yes I do think my mother looks stunning in that dress. Why? Did you want to try it on sir? - Quoted by The Daily Prophet

Where will my mother live now? Well, since the Minister managed to survive three separate attacks in his mansion in the last two weeks, I think that would be the perfect place. But I doubt the Minister would move out just for her. I'll just guess that she'll be escorted to Diagon Alley by Unspeakables in the morning, get a new wand at Ollivander's, and then go to Gringotts. I hear they have a fantastic real estate section where she'll buy a new house to live in, since the Ministry refused my request to rebuild our own home in Godric's Hollow as memorial to their sacrifice. - Quoted by Hogwarts School Newspaper, First and Only Edition, Photographer, Reporter and Editor Colin Creevey

Oh no, we haven't told Mom's sister yet. We're saving that for a face-to-face surprise! - Quoted by Professor Vectra, in the Staff Lounge


	5. Part 5

Part Five

After Harry had escaped the attentions of reporters, claiming that it was a school night and he needed to finish preparing for his classes in the morning, he slipped up to Gryffindor tower. It took him twenty minutes to get across his House's common room due to his housemates being even more tenacious than the reporters. He finally made it through after claiming that he needed to change and find his mother before Professor Snape did. The thought of the Potter matriarch getting cornered by the 'greasy git' of a potions professor quickly cleared the way for him.

Up in his dorm Harry proceeded to change out of his shades-of-blue dress robes and into his proper school uniform. He then managed to corner Ron and informed him of the ultimatum of the Headmaster, and of Harry's desire for both Hermione and Ron to be present at the 'debriefing'. A quick word of acknowledgement from his best friend and the green-eyed youth was off to brazen his way through his bonkers housemates, who almost seemed ready for a Quidditch match, they were that excited.

Silently moving down the stairs, Harry noticed the reporters harrying the minister as they were leaving Hogwarts. The bell for first curfew broke the tension in the mob's movements, while propelling young Potter forward towards his appointment with the headmaster. While it was a bit out of his way, he stopped in the great hall to shrink down his fitting room and stash it away until he needed it again.

Arriving at the gargoyle at the entrance to the headmaster's office Harry was pleased to find the rest of the Gryffindor trio waiting for him. Brushing aside Hermione's insistence on instant instruction of the events of the evening, he approached the gargoyle and gave the password that Madam McGonagall had shouted at him before the feast.

"Bonkers!"

Hermione stared at him as if he were accusing _her_ with that word, and then jumped guiltily when the gargoyle slid out of the way to allow them access to the office. Making their way into the private space of the headmaster of their school, it was immediately obvious that there was no one present. Harry acted as if he wasn't surprised and walked over to the phoenix's stand and started scratching the bird at the base of the neck. No doubt he had learned that trick while taking care of Hedwig all these years.

After waiting for fifteen minutes, Harry much more patiently than his best friends, the trio stood to go. Harry stopped by the portrait of Headmaster Dippet and asked him to inform the living headmaster that they had arrived when requested to, waited a decent interval, and then left to find the Widow Potter. They then strode down the spiral staircase and back towards the great hall, hoping to catch up with the missing mother.

Along the way Harry's friends tried repeatedly to get an explanation out of him about how he had discovered his mother was disguised as Hedwig, but just got goofy grins in return. It wasn't that Harry didn't want to tell them, they figured, but that he enjoyed the thought of having her back in her human form so much he couldn't respond when they asked.

Upon arrival in the great hall, they found Lily Potter sitting with Madam Hooch, Professor Sinistra, and Professor Burbage at the table formerly used by the reporters. They appeared to be having a wonderful conversation, laughing and giggling over something that was said. Harry murmured softly that they better not be talking about him, which got snickers from both of his friends.

"Get used to it, mate," Ron said, "Adult women seem to enjoy telling embarrassing stories about the kids they know. And Mums are the worst for that."

"Hermione, don't you ever get that bonkers, you hear?" was the response.

"No promises, Harry, no promises," Hermione retorted, ignoring the rolling eyes on both boys.

They finally reached the table of giggling women which Harry seemed desperate to interrupt. He cleared his throat while putting his hand on his mom's shoulders.

"Mom, I think it's time to head for bed. We have a full day ahead of us tomorrow."

"But Harry, I'm not tired yet. You know I'm such a night owl these days," she giggled back.

"Yes Mom, but these other ladies aren't. They have classes in the morning and need their sleep. Why don't we find Madam McGonagall and see if she can find a spare room for you? After just getting you back I want to make sure you're properly taken care of, okay?"

"Okay dear. Good night ladies, maybe we can consider continuing this later. If his second month was as interesting as his first, I want to hear all about it." She laughed loudly when Harry grabbed her arm and started pulling her towards the door.

Putting her arm around his shoulders she leaned gently on him while leaning her head against his. Hermione and Ron followed close behind, but stayed quiet so Harry could enjoy his mother's hug. As they passed through the doors they heard her whisper, "I'm so glad you found that spell, little one."

Harry's response was to wrap his arm around her waist.

Arriving back at the portrait of the Fat Lady Harry asked Ron to see if their head of house was inside. He apologized to his mother, adding that the other students needed to calm down so they can rest for tomorrow's classes. Lily just waved away his apology and started a light conversation with the Fat Lady concerning how often Harry had to wake her while he was prowling the castle after curfew. Hermione snickered into her hands while waiting for Ron to reappear.

It took fifteen minutes for Ron to come back empty handed from his search for their professor. When he did, Harry just said they'd have to resort to his back-up plan. He then led them back down the hallways to the nearest classroom, and ushered the group inside with him, casting privacy wards all around them as they went.

Pulling the fitting room from his robes, Harry sat it in the corner and re-enlarged it. Stepping back he motioned for his mother to step into the box. When she hesitated, he reminded her that it was just overnight, and she could have breakfast with him in the morning. As she entered the box, he called a reminder to her to leave the dress on the hook inside the door.

When the box closed, he grabbed his friends in his arms and hugged them tightly. His soft sobs in their ears shocked both of them, but they both deduced immediately that these were sobs of happiness. After several moments he straightened back up and turned away while he composed himself. Finally he asked Hermione to open the box.

Hedwig flew out almost immediately and landed on Harry's shoulder. She began fussing over his hair, clucking softly the whole time. Her 'owner', for his part, just reached up and stroked her feathers while staring down his friends, challenging them to say anything. He then asked Hermione to step into the box and retrieve his Mom's dress.

Like the deputy headmistress before her, Hermione was speechless upon seeing the elegance of the fitting room that Harry had created for his mother. Finally she took the green dress that just matched the colour of both Potters' eyes and folded it carefully. Taking one last look around, she stepped out of the box and into Ron's arms. He had thought she had gotten lost in there and was coming to rout her out!

The amount of heckling Ron received for trying to walk into a Lady's Fitting Room kept Harry from talking to either one of them while he re-shrank the fitting room, took down his privacy wards, and led them all the way back to the tower and the Fat Lady's portrait. However, he sobered up immediately as they approached the portrait and found Professor Snape waiting for them.

Nope. No laughing like he's bonkers in front of _him_. No way.


	6. Part 6

Part Six

"Out after curfew, Mr Potter?" the professor sneered.

"Escorted by two prefects, Professor Snape," was Harry's immediate response.

"I see. I wish to speak to you privately; your 'escorts' may return to their dorms." He put an extra snigger on escorts, as if he were trying to imply something nasty.

Harry ignored the implication and turned to his friends. "Thanks for helping me get her situated. Ron? Could you bring Hedwig up to our room? If you see Professor McGonagall let her know that Mum is settled for the night." Turning back towards the potions master he said, "Where shall we go, sir?"

Waiting until the prefects were safely on the other side of the closed portrait, Snape brusquely stated, "I wish to speak to Lily Potter."

"And so do I professor, but she has retired for the night, and I won't see her again until breakfast."

Snape drew himself up to his full height. "Then where are her quarters for the night? I wish to make sure they are satisfactory for her."

Harry's eyes widened in shock. "No offense, professor, but when did you go bonkers enough to disturb a lady after she had retired for the night? Even muggles know better than that!"

The professor's face darkened with anger at being balked. "You said what...! Now listen here-"

Harry had already taken two steps back from the enraged man when a voice behind the figure called out angrily, "Harry Potter!"

Professor Snape whirled around to find himself nose to nose with his employer. "Albus!"

"Headmaster!" Harry interjected quickly, "Thank Merlin you're here! Professor Snape has gone bonkers. Please calm him down!"

Before either adult could stop him the teen spun on his heels and dashed to the portrait. The Fat Lady was avidly listening to the brewing storm in the hallway, and opened without waiting for a password. As both men stared dumbfounded at the empty space where the target of their emotions had just been the portrait opened again from the inside.

Professor McGonagall stormed through the opening and glared at her two fellow staff members. "What has gotten into you two? Scaring my students, screaming in the hallways so loudly that the entire Tower heard you? Take this confrontation of yours back to your office, Albus, and stop making a fool of yourself."

As the men shook their heads and walked away they heard her muttering, "The world is just BONKERS! If this is what happens when loved ones returns from the dead, I'd hate to see what happens when the annoying ones start coming back."

Inside the tower, Harry had rushed to Colin Creevey's room.

"Hey Colin, can I hide out in here for ten minutes? I've got half the staff looking for me right now and I don't want to be found."

"Sure Harry. Congratulations on your mom coming back," Colin said cheerfully. He then frowned when Harry's face drooped. "It is good, isn't it Harry?"

Forcing a smile on his face, Harry said, "Yes it's great that she's here. Did you get many pictures?" The hope in his voice at the mention of pictures almost broke Colin's heart.

"Of course. I got four of you in your dress robes before we knew what was going on, and then a whole bunch more after she came out of the box. Is it okay if I use a couple for a school paper about it?"

"Sure, I don't mind. I want everyone to know what she looked like. But I want a copy of each of the pictures too. I'll pay you for them, and no arguing." Harry grinned to take the edge off of his offer.

"Sure thing, Harry. A sickle apiece?" Colin knew better than to argue with his idol when he used _that_ tone.

"Are you bonkers? Those things are going to be priceless. A Knut apiece, and not a sickle less."

Colin's eyes popped out of his head. "A Knut? Are you sure you're not the one who's gone bonkers? But it's a deal. I'll have them for you by tomorrow night."

"Good. Well, so far no screaming in the common room. I guess Snape's afraid to enter the lion's den! See you tomorrow, Colin."

Slipping back into the hallway, Harry left a mildly confused Colin behind.

Making his way back towards his own room he heard Hermione and Ron arguing quietly while they waited for him. He changed course and went into the bathrooms and started cleaning himself up for the night, stripping out of his still-clean uniform and using the t-shirt as a washcloth. He didn't notice his dorm mates in the room until he heard them mutter "bonkers" once or twice. Looking up into the mirror, he grinned at them, and then put his uniform outer robe back on over his underwear. He then said goodnight and made his way back towards his room.

Meanwhile back in his room his two friends were having an argument in mild tones (for them at least) about how far into insanity they were going to let Sirius's death drive him. Conveniently for them, they forgot how much of the mounting evidence of his being bonkers was destroyed when Lily Potter stepped out of the fitting room. The long conversations with an owl? Makes sense if Hedwig is Lily. The green dress from Malkin's and the accompanying blush? Not Harry's dress. The public conversations 'accidentally' overheard by the press and reported for all to hear? Okay, that one's still out there.

Ron and Hermione finally snapped their mouths closed when they heard the door open. Dean, Seamus and Neville, Harry's other three roommates, all sat upright at this interruption of their entertainment. Hedwig ignored everything as she sat on the headboard of Harry's bed.

They all watched gape mouthed as the topic of the 'conversation' stumbled into the room, eyes half closed, and shuffled across to his own bed. He then proceeded to fall face first on top of the duvet, still in his uniform robe and with his shoes on, and started to snore gently.

Almost immediately, Neville jumped up and started pushing Hermione out the door, whispering, "I'd be bonkers to let any girl stay in our dorm while one of us is sleeping. You want to yell at him, do it over breakfast when he's awake enough to hear you. Now GO!"

As soon as she was gone, Nev turned to the rest of the room and said, "That goes for you too. If the strain of planning this surprise has him this exhausted, not a one of you will disturb his sleep. GOT IT?" He then moved to Harry's bed, removed his shoes for him, and moved his legs up onto the mattress. He then grabbed the duvet and covered him lightly, so he wouldn't get a chill during the night.


	7. Part 7

Part Seven

Ron couldn't sleep. With everything that was going on with his best friend his own mind was in turmoil.

After watching Neville tuck Harry in, Ron left the room, and went to sit in front of one of the windows in the tower's common room. He stayed there for almost two hours, just staring at the moonlight illuminating the school grounds, trying to piece together what Harry must be going through, losing his godfather last spring and then having his mother actually alive after being told for ten years that she died in a drunken driving accident.

Finally giving up after realizing that he had no points of reference to understand it, he made his way back up the silent tower to their dorm. Glancing over at the closed curtains on Harry's bed he came to a decision. He quickly wrote a note on a scrap of parchment and then went over to his friend's bed to slip it into his shoe so he'd find it when he got up.

'That's strange. Where are his shoes?' Ron thought, 'I saw Nev take them off and set them under the edge of the bed.' Now totally confused the redheaded boy tried to open the curtains on the bed only to find his hand being repelled by a shield spell. 'Privacy wards? Did Harry wake up enough to put privacy wards up?'

Grasping that things were odd but having no way of figuring them out in the dark of the night, Ron moved over to Harry's dresser and put his note on top of Harry's comb, hoping that his friend found it before their roommates did. He then shuffled back to his own bed, set his own privacy wards, and slid into a restless sleep.

The next morning Ron woke up late. Not surprising as he had stayed up late worrying about things he couldn't control, but not good as he'd miss breakfast if he didn't hurry. While missing breakfast was usually a disaster for the redhead anyways, missing breakfast on the first day of class for the school year was an omen of his own personal doomsday.

Taking down his wards he rolled out of bed and started assembling his clothes for the day so he could catch a quick shower. Grabbing his toiletries bag he glanced over at Harry's bed and froze in shock. His friend's curtains were still closed. Figuring that Harry was also running late he rushed over, tripping over Harry's shoes on the way, and forced the curtains open.

There Harry lay, wrapped in his sheets, one pyjama sleeve forced under his pillow and a puddle of drool on top of it. Grabbing a shoulder, Ron shook it roughly. 'Get up Harry! Breakfast is almost over!'

The black haired boy jerked up. "Morning already? Thanks Ron. We'll be down shortly.' With that he rolled over and sat up, grabbing his dressing gown as fast as he could get his hands on it. Seeing this, Ron hurried to the bathrooms and got his day going.

Arriving back in the dorm to dress after his shower, the redhead noticed that Harry's bed was made and there was no sign of him in the room. Figuring he just missed crossing paths with him in the showers, Ron ran down to the great hall for breakfast.

It wasn't until he was mumbling his apologies to Hermione (around the full piece of toast he had shoved in his mouth) that he froze, realizing how bonkers the whole situation had been.

His attempts to explain what happened were only barely credible. He knew that part of this was because every time he opened his mouth to add more detail, his hand automatically added more food into it. This had the effect of making his audience lean backwards to avoid having food crumbs cover her robes, thus making it harder for her to understand him as he was trying to whisper around his scrambled eggs. He finally gave up they heard Parvati Patel telling her sister, "Granger is bonkers trying to get Weasley to study during breakfast, even more so since there hasn't been any classes yet, let alone homework."

Later they finally got a chance to discuss what happened after Neville shooed Hermione out of the dorm room. They were lined up in the hall outside of Professor McGonagall's transfiguration class waiting to go in. They had just gotten to the part where Ron tripped over Harry's shoes when they were interrupted again.

"You two are just unbelievable! After everything that happened last year, and then getting his mother back, all you can do to _help_ your best friend is sit and dissect every hour of his life? And what'll you do when you do get him cornered? Scream and rant because he didn't explain everything he's gone through the moment he laid eyes on you? You two are pathetically bonkers!" a female voice ranted over their shoulders.

The scathing remarks were bad enough seeing how accurate they were. They were even worse because of the source. Turning their heads, the two Gryffindors came face to face with Millicent Bulstrode from Slytherin House, backed up by a nodding Pansy Parkinson and Blaise Zabini. Further down the line several more people added their glares to the general consensus from both houses. Blushing, the two turned back towards the classroom door, only to find the rest of the Gryffindors on that side of them glaring at them also. As the door opened from the inside Neville put in his opinion.

"You two need to stop all of this gossiping about Harry's life. It's bad enough he had to fake exhaustion last night just to avoid you screaming at him, he missed breakfast too. And if you hadn't noticed, he's not here for class either. Instead of ranting and raving like you two are doing, I at least am hoping that means he's been excused from class to get his mother settled, without exploring every conspiracy theory about what could have possibly gone wrong between Ron waking him up late for breakfast and now. Now if you'll pardon me, the professor has opened the door and we'll all be late because of you and your trust problems." With that Neville turned and went into the classroom, leaving Ron and Hermione standing shocked.

The rest of the class shrugged their shoulders and walked around them and into the classroom. The last thing any of the two houses heard was Hermione saying, "Harry's not here for class? I wonder what's happened to him."

To make matters worse (for those two Gryffindors, at least), when they finally made it inside the classroom Professor McGonagall was docking their house five points each for being late, and Harry was sharing a desk with Neville.


	8. Part 8

Part Eight

"Ladies and Gentlemen. Welcome to advanced transfigurations. You are all here by choice as you felt this class would satisfy at least one prerequisite for your career choice. This year's spells and skills are more powerful and require more concentration than previous years' coursework. Because of this I will require that all non-class gossip and chatter be stopped before it is started. To this end I insist that each desk of partners be of mixed houses. Please rearrange yourself now." Professor McGonagall turned to the chalkboard and started writing.

After giving the students three minutes to get seated again she turned back. "Mr Weasley, Miss Granger. What part of mixed houses did you not understand? Five points each from Gryffindor. Miss Parkinson, slide over and make room for Mr Weasley. Mr Zabini, make room for Miss Granger. Now while our two delinquents get settled I will give you the only warning for this year. Each desk is mixed houses. Therefore when I give points to a desk, they will go towards or against BOTH houses. The only exception I will make for this rule is when the action causing the points is taken without the other house's participation. An example. Miss Granger and Mr Weasley lost points for being late. Those ten points are only taken from _my_ house. If they had already followed instructions and changed seats before I took the five points off for disobeying me, I would have taken five from each house for each of them, a total of twenty points. It is in your best interest to silence your partner's gossiping, to keep your partner's projects from going wrong, and to answer as many questions correctly as you can."

She took a deep breath. "Mr Potter, Mr Longbottom. You are both excused to go to Headmaster Dumbledore's office. The password has not changed from yesterday. Mr Nott, Miss Bulstrode. Please move to a single desk. This is your day to shine for Slytherin House, as any points, for or against, will only go to your house for today."

As Harry and Nev reached the door they heard the professor say, "Miss Granger five points are waiting for your question. If you are about to question my seating arrangements they will be deducted; if you surprise me with an actual question relating to the subject at hand, which hasn't even been announced yet let alone discussed, they will be awarded." The door closed behind them.

"Is she going bonkers?" Nev asked Harry as they walked down the hall.

Harry replied, "McGonagall? No, she's just trying to follow the Sorting Hat's instructions; you know, school unity."

Nev shook his head, "No, Hermione. I've never seen her so adamant about knowing everything you do."

"Then you haven't seen her, Nev. She's always been a control freak. Always harping on my eating habits, my sleeping habits, and even my love of Quidditch. It's her way of keeping people from looking too closely at her habits, which are just as abnormal as my own. The problem now is that it has gone beyond the 'overly concerned aunt' level it used to be, and into the 'overprotective guardian of an accident prone mental incompetent' stage. I think it's her way of handling being the first one to get knocked out of the fight in the Department of Mysteries."

By now the two were standing in front of the gargoyle in front of Headmaster Dumbledore's office. "What? You mean she thinks we'll rag on her for getting hurt? Now I know she's bonkers." Nev jumped as the gargoyle moved out of the way.

Harry giggled at Nev's surprise. "Oh didn't you hear the professor say the password is the same as yesterday's?"

As they walked into the headmaster's office Harry's whole body tensed. Nev, walking behind him, watched as his shoulders stiffened, his gait became more jerky, and his head twitched slightly, as if his eyes were trying to watch every corner at once. Putting his hand on his friend's shoulder Nev whispered, "Relax. I'm here." At Harry's short nod he removed his hand, and watched as Harry went over to Fawkes' perch.

After a few minutes of stroking and scratching the red bird, Harry turned and said, "Neville Longbottom, this is my friend Fawkes. Fawkes, this is Neville Longbottom, a loyal friend and soon-to-be duelling partner."

Nev bowed his head at the introduction, and didn't see Fawkes take off from his perch and fly around the room. When he lifted his head back up the surprise at seeing the empty perch was evident on his face. A moment later he felt a weight land on his shoulder as his newly introduced friend settled in. The shock and awe in the human's face was definitely a sight to behold.

While the two living beings got acquainted with each other Harry walked over to the portrait of Headmaster Dippet. "Excuse me Professor Dippet? Did Headmaster Dumbledore receive my message from last night?"

"Oh it's you again! Yes I gave him his message when he finally calmed down. You know you cause that man so much trouble just acting like an adult, don't you?" the portrait replied. "He used the repair spells almost as much this morning as he did after your previous visit, I'll tell you that much."

"This morning? So he didn't come back to find me until this morning?"

"No he came in about an hour after you left, looked around and went storming out. He came back a half-hour later with Professor Snape, and then went to bed, not giving me time to give him any messages. Apparently he couldn't sleep and came back in here around 3 AM and that's when I gave him the message. I then got to watch him destroy half the room; quite entertaining, actually!"

"Well, shall we give him a chance for a repeat performance? I've waited around for a full thirty minutes this time for him to be gracious enough to keep the appointment that he arranged. Mr Longbottom and I will be leaving now. If he asks before lunchtime, tell him we went to check on my mother."

The portrait froze in shock for two seconds. "YOUR MOTHER! But she's dead!"

Harry grinned and said, "So are you, right?"

Turning to the two people on other side of the room, Harry said, "Time to go, Nev. We have too much to do to stand around waiting for someone who can't keep the appointments he scheduled personally."

The gaping fish look was so natural to Neville from previous years that Harry barely registered it. He just took Nev's hand and gently tugged him towards the stairway. Fawkes cooed quietly, but stayed where he was sitting. Harry shrugged his shoulders and the three of them left Dumbledore's office.

Behind them the portraits of deceased headmasters all started gossiping.

"He's bonkers! His mother's dead, she has been for fifteen years!"

"But like he said, so are we!"

"But we're paint! We know we're paint. He acts like she's in the school right now!"

"Quick, everyone spread out around the school. If his mother's a painting like us, find her frame. She has to be lonely after fifteen years!"

The gargoyle at the bottom of the stairs giggled, a sound that made the two human boys speed up their steps _away_ from it.


	9. Part 9: Time For Lunch?

Part Nine

The great hall went silent at lunchtime. Remarkable, really, when you consider how many teenagers were there. Place food in front of a teenager and you get instant focus on the consumption of the food. This would normally lead to a low hum of tableware scraping on plates, cups being set down, and the rustle of napkins being used. To disrupt this rhythm takes an event far enough out of the ordinary that the food would be forgotten.

An event such as Neville Longbottom walking in with Fawkes still on his shoulder is what did it this time. The two of them were still engrossed in a conversation, and Neville really didn't notice the quiet that his entrance caused. He just walked slowly up the Gryffindor table to the general area that he usually sat, speaking in a low voice to the bright red bird on his shoulder, and watching closely for the bird's movements to understand the reply.

When he finally looked up to locate an empty seat he realized that every head in the room was focused solely on him. He turned his head slowly from left to right, scanning the room to see if he could figure out what was wrong. After finally realizing it was because he was having a conversation with a bird, he decided to speak up.

"What are you all staring at? Is it because I'm talking with Fawkes? Is this how you treat Harry all the time when he speaks to Hedwig? No wonder he thinks you're all bonkers." At this a third of the younger students blushed and looked at their temporarily forgotten plates. The rest just looked at Neville as if Fawkes was now a permanent growth on his shoulder.

"Do any of you even realize how disturbing it is to have every single person you meet treat you like a mirror? Always being stared at but no one sees the mirror itself? That's what you've been doing to Harry for the last six years and now you want to start in on _me_? Get over it people!" With that Neville sat down next to Ginny Weasley and Dennis Creevey. A third year was across from him, but Nev couldn't remember his name.

Slowly the normal hum of the dining hall returned, while Nev started filling his plate. He made sure to add extra meat portions to feed to Fawkes. While he was reaching for the roasted potatoes he noticed movement up by the staff table, and realized that the headmaster was coming down the aisle towards him. Turning to Dennis he whispered, "One galleon says he speaks to me first before Fawkes."

Dennis just nodded his head, and then reached his hand across his lap to shake on it. Nev retrieved his hand, pulled a silver sickle out of his pocket and slid it across the table to the third year with a wink, and then filled his mouth with potatoes just as Dumbledore arrived.

"Mr Longbottom! There you are," Dumbledore started.

Nev spit his potatoes across the table, getting the third year in the face. "Geez! Don't DO that!" he shouted before turning around. "OH! Headmaster! I'm sorry!"

"No, no, you're quite right. I should have let you know I was here. Now weren't you supposed to be in my office this morning?" the headmaster said in a disappointed tone.

Neville ignored the tone and responded in normal voice, making sure it carried to both the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables on either side of him. "Where do you think Fawkes decided to join me, sir? It'd be nice if you showed up for the appointments you make. Set an example for us students, you know?"

"I was unavoidably detained by just ten minutes. You and Mr Potter should have waited for me," was the defensive reply.

"Ten minutes? Are you sure sir? The message we left with Professor Dippet said we were there for thirty minutes before we decided that since we were being forced to miss the first transfiguration class of the year, the one that all of the rest of the lessons will build on, we should be doing something constructive instead of watching the portraits make out." The startled giggles at all three tables that could hear Neville Longbottom correct the headmaster were quickly shushed by Dumbledore's - angry? frustrated? odd looking at least - glare around the room.

"Speaking of which sir, what is the point of having the former headmasters' portraits in the office if you never ask them what's going on? That's why we students leave urgent messages with them rather than writing notes that can get blown off the desk or covered up." Neville's helpful comments were not sounding too helpful to the headmaster, especially as they were being broadcast throughout the now silent room.

"Back to the point," the headmaster said sternly, trying to ignore being giving advice from a student, "I need to speak to both you and Mr Potter as soon as possible. Therefore you are to be in my office at the start of the next period. Bring your schoolbooks to study if you wish because you are not to leave until I have spoken with the both of you. Do I make myself clear, Mr Longbottom?"

"Yes sir," Nev replied loudly. "Mr Potter and I are to skip all classes until you return, spending all of the time in your office going through the books for our classes without any teacher's clarifications or practical demonstrations. Are we permitted to bring bedding and night clothes or will the house elves bring those for us?"

Dumbledore (and every student who heard Neville) felt his face grow more and more slack as he heard this. "And what makes you think you'll be there overnight?" he said, his voice deep and dangerous.

"The ministry owl setting at your place at the staff table, sir. Given the events of the past twenty-four hours I can only presume that you'll be in London for the next three to seven days testifying at the Wizengamot about the accusations against Minister Fudge," Neville said calmly.

The professor's head whipped around so fast a muggle would have sworn they heard a sonic boom. Sure enough, a black owl, unknown in the muggle world, sat at the headmaster's plate, eating his roast. A letter was clearly attached to its leg and even from this distance the Ministry Office's crest was easily identifiable.

"I see. Very well Mr Longbottom, report to your classes as scheduled, and I will personally come and get both you and Mr Potter out of class for our conversation." The obviously disturbed old man turned and headed back to his seat to find out what further mess he was involved in.

Before Nev could return to his still untouched lunch Professor Snape stood up. "Mr Longbottom, since Headmaster Dumbledore was unable to ask the simplest question," he sneered in the headmaster's direction, "Where is Mr Potter right now?"

Neville stood up and bowed slightly to the professor. "Since the headmaster has neglected to assign temporary lodgings for Mrs Potter, Harry and his mother are eating a private lunch together in the Astronomy tower, sir. Hopefully _someone_ will assign her quarters before curfew tonight."

With a startled glance at all of the staff before returning his gaze to Neville, Snape retorted, "But where did she sleep last night?" The entire student body started murmuring at the question, as did the staff. It was obvious that they had all thought the headmaster had arranged quarters for her.

"In Professor McGonagall's classroom, sir. She mentioned she never got to sleep in that classroom when she attended school here, unlike Remus Lupin," Nev said with a smirk of his own.

"I see. Mr Longbottom, as loath as I am to say it," the potions master said with a frown, "Fifty points to Gryffindor for properly identifying two separate problems and bringing them to staff attention _without_ attempting to solve them yourself. Grab several pieces of fruit to munch on in class. You missed your lunch."

The entire Slytherin table froze in shock. Their head of house gave their rivals _fifty points_, and then _suggested_ bringing food to class? Snape's gone bonkers!


	10. Chapter 10

Part Ten

"Professor Snape, is it true?" asked Harry Potter as he caught up to the potions instructor on the way to their afternoon class.

"Is what true Mr Potter? A little more information would be helpful," was the reply given in an insulted tone.

"I heard that Headmaster Dumbledore was summoned to London. Is that true?" Harry reiterated, carefully keeping his tone even.

"That is of no concern to you, Potter."

"Not as a student, no sir. But as a person with a certain _order_ to maintain, I feel that the information may be critical to my well being."

After a short pause during which Snape tried desperately to figure out how Albus's being in London affected the Order of the Phoenix, he finally said, "That may be true, but at the moment there is nothing to warrant any breaches in confidentiality that all staff members trust in where the students are concerned."

"I see. And with that caveat in place, I see no reason to inform the staff of any disorder that could reasonably be expected to arise in the next twenty-four hours. I'll see you in class, Professor." With that Harry spun on his heels and marched over by the group of Gryffindors that were trying desperately not to catch up with the professor. Seeing as none of them were in the secretive Order Snape couldn't demand that Potter return and explain that last comment.

The two-hour class was the longest Snape had ever endured, and he was the one teaching it. That last comment of Potter's had him on edge; going over it sporadically in his mind distracted him from properly focusing on the class in front him. On top of that, every trap he lay for those dratted Gryffindors so he could take points off of them failed. Both Potter and Longbottom behaved perfectly according to the years of training he had given them. The others of their house seemed to have been forewarned to be on their best behaviour to. He wound up taking more points from his own house, galling him even further.

Finally, as the last few minutes of class closed in around him he relented. While the students were packing their books back into their bags, he stood up at the front. "One last thing," he sneered, "It has come to my attention that there are those of you who feel that the headmaster leaving for a week to London is a sign of sure disaster in the making. I regret to inform you worrywarts that not only are the staff of this school competent enough to survive a week without the presence of their leader, but also that the Ministry has agreed to post extra Aurors in Hogsmeade for the week, above and beyond those stationed at the school. Please go back to worrying about whose dress is prettier, and whose muscles are better developed and let the staff worry about your safety in peace and quiet. Good Day."

As he finished, he noticed Longbottom and Potter out of the corner of his eye exchanging looks. 'That ought to put them in their place,' he thought. At that moment Longbottom dropped his bookbag, scattering its contents all around. As Potter reached down help him pick up the mess, his tie twisted around his neck far enough that if class was still in session he would have received demerits for being out of uniform. The timing did not escape the potions professor, and he retreated to his office to sulk over being played so easily by the spoiled brat.

Ten minutes later he came back out into the classroom to prepare for the next class. On his desk he found a neatly printed note requesting that, starting one hour after Dumbledore left, he arrange for an Order meeting that evening at the castle. The last line worried Snape the most.

'CONTACT ALL EXCEPT DUMBLEDORE AND MUNDUNGUS. THEY ARE THE BIGGEST SECURITY RISKS.'

;p

The cover story was fairly simple. Friends of either Lily or Harry Potter were invited to Hogwarts for the evening to meet or get reacquainted with the restored mother of the Boy-Who-Lived. The Aurors, both current and ex, were invited to sit in as security against any one being imperiused into attacking either Potter. Naturally two professors were invited to keep everything civil.

After sitting quietly beside his mother for close to fifteen minutes while she chatted amicably with the Weasley family, Harry finally stood up and cast several privacy and protection sounds on the room they were in. He then turned to Lily and asked her to go sit next to Snape. Hermione and Ron looked like they wanted to argue, but Harry quieted them with a look. Once everyone was seated he began.

"You have all met my mother. You have all heard about the ruckus I've made with... How did it go? My ill guarded public comments over the summer. You should have also heard about the _interesting developments_ that came out of the Sorting Feast. Any questions?"

Snape drawled, "Now there's a foolish question right there. Of course we have lots of questions; most of them about your sanity."

Molly blushed crimson, but tried to shush Snape anyways. "Really now, Severus. He's obviously got something up his sleeve. Let him explain."

Fred and George nodded. "We want to know," Fred started.

"How you knew your mother," George continued.

"Was an animagus."

"And what spell you used."

"To bring her back," finished Fred.

After several moments where no one else tried to ask any questions, Harry turned to Alastor Moody. "How about you, Mad-Eye?"

"Only one urgent question at the moment. How long do you expect to keep her true identity a secret?" he asked with a nod at Mrs Potter.

Shocked noises came from all of the rest.

Harry just said, "How did you figure it out?"

Mad-Eye just pointed at his artificial eye. "This isn't just for looks, you know."

Harry laughed. "Absolutely! And that is the crux of the issue, isn't it. Muggles have a saying. 'If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it is a duck.' Those guys have never met the talented Miss Tonks, now have they?"

Arthur cut in, "A metamorphmagus? But their all registered and monitored by the ministry. There's no way that that young lady could be a metamorphmagus."

"True," Harry said, "But I didn't say that was the answer. I just used that to remind you all that contrary to muggle thinking, in the magical world seeing should not always be believing. In the past twenty-four hours I have managed to convince every media outlet, every staff member, and I'm pretty sure every student in Hogwarts that my mother has been returned to me. That is not my mother, no matter how much she mothers me whenever we are together," he concluded, pointing at the redhead sitting almost in Snape's lap.


	11. Chapter 11

Part Eleven

The room fell silent while everyone tried to put together the broken pieces of their fantasies. Finally Auror Shacklebolt spoke up. "You mean that's Hedwig the owl. The one that's sat on your shoulder for the last six years, flown most of your letters where they needed to be, and has been noticed to have private chats with you from time to time."

"Yep. I finally listened to Mrs Weasley's words, instead of just her meaning, when she tells me to stop letting Hedwig mother me all of the time. I managed to combine pre-programmed spells with an artefact or two, with the result that I have an image of my mother with an added-on personality spell so she acts like the real one should have."

At the disbelieving murmur that circled the room Harry finally said, "Okay you want proof. Mrs Weasley? Would you volunteer to show these people what I'm talking about?"

"What do I need to do dear?"

The young boy, green eyes glowing with anticipation, took his shrunken fitting room out and expanded it. Turning to his best friend's parents he said, "Just go in and take off your outer robe. More if you're not comfortable sitting around out here in just that. Hang them on the hook, and then step into the centre circle on the floor. I'd suggest watching your hands so you see when the spell is done. Then just put your clothes back on and come out."

Molly stood and entered the box. Harry just sat and watched the box from a few feet away, while the rest of the group whispered questions at each other. Three minutes later the door opened and a second Lily Evans Potter stepped out, wearing Molly's robes.

The green-eyed boy stood and took her left hand in his. Spinning to face his potions professor he saw the look of desperation in his eyes. "Mom, would you come over here please?" The red haired Potter stood and walked over to Harry's left side, still totally convincing as the original Lily.

"Harry, that's bloody marvellous!" shouted one of the twins.

The Lily on Harry's left immediately responded, "George you watch your mouth! I still have plenty of soap to clean up your language with!"

Both twins instantly lost their stunned looks and tried to look innocent. "That was Fred, not me!" one said.

The other instantly said, "Wait a minute, I'm George!"

Harry just chuckled, "Watch it guys, she'll just wash both your mouths out if you're not careful!"

Speaking to the rest of the group he said, "So what do you think? Two identical women, one with my mother's memory and personality, one with Mrs Weasley's. The only way to tell them apart is to get them talking, as Hedwig will remain always in character, while Mrs Weasley will have to remember at all times that she is acting and control her temper. Thank you ladies. Mrs Weasley, you can change back now. Just remember to take off your clothes and hang them on the hook before entering the circle."

As 'Lily' went back over by Professor Snape, who stealthily inched away from her after she sat down, Harry filled them in. "The secret is in the dress. I have it charmed with the memories and personalities of my mother, as I much as I could of course. I spent a lot of time tracking down her friends and housemates from when she came to the school, and getting them to tell me about her.

"That's what Hedwig was doing all summer!" Ron interjected. "But how did you know the dress size?"

"I didn't. I just asked Madam Malkin to send me a copy of the last special outfit that Mom had ordered before her death. A keepsake if you will. She sent me that dress and I used it to design the transfiguration spells for the 'animagus' story. But that's not the real reason any of us are here tonight, is it?"

Molly Weasley rejoined the group and sat back next to her husband. Harry took the momentary interruption to move back over to the fitting room and shrink it back down again. After it was safely concealed inside of his robes he turned back and continued his meeting.

_"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches... born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies... and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not... and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives... the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies..." _

The group's emotional rollercoaster continued. As the words sank in the Boy-Who-Lived studied their faces. Snape's had a slight confusion. The Weasley family, without exception, registered horror as the meaning sank in for each one of them. The Aurors looked as if a puzzle piece had slid into place. McGonagall joined the Weasleys in the shock and horror field.

At last he spoke. "These are the words that condemned my parents to death. These are the words that my godfather died trying to protect last spring. These are the words I'm working on destroying."

His voice got deeper and his hands started swinging violently as he continued. "What is going on right now in the Wizarding world is a war of words. Voldemort has declared himself a pureblood, although he is a half-blood like me. Voldemort has declared himself a Dark Lord, when that is really just a title he made up for himself. Voldemort has claimed to have conquered death, when that is really just a fantasy that can't happen, even with magic. And yet he is currently winning this war."

The charismatic young man started pacing. "On the other side we have Dumbledore. He heard that prophecy being given seventeen years ago. He started moving people and magics into strategic positions to make sure he could guide the prophecy into happening. He preaches day and night about how we need to be ready to fight and yet only wins minor skirmishes, since any large wins would be against the prophecy. He has declared that he knows what the greater good for Wizardkind is, and leads us on with that secret knowledge. And yet he is losing the war."

Stopping in the middle of the room, Harry studied their faces as he continued speaking. "Muggles believe in a type of magic called voodoo. You make a copy, a doll, of the person you want to control, maybe include a few bits of the person's hair or nail clippings, and then damage the copy in order to hurt the person in the same way. A pin poked into the elbow of the doll would cause immense pain in the victim. Twist the leg backwards and you break his leg. Their healers have documented that this type of magic can work, but only as long as the victim _knows_ that you have pieces of him and the ability to make the voodoo doll."

The horrified looks on everyone, including the Aurors, amused Harry. "Relax. I haven't found any hint yet that voodoo magic is real. Yet. What I'm getting at is that the magic works because the victims believe it works. That is where Voldemort is winning. Every time he puts his dark mark above someone's house, people believe he can do what he says. Every time he gets in and out of Diagon Alley without seeing a single Auror, he wins. Every time he convinces people that his is unstoppable he becomes unstoppable. And every time he captures a headline lauding or lamenting his latest win he becomes even stronger."

He began pacing again. "My 'ill-guarded comments' that everyone is lament this summer is the beginning of my war to break the belief that he is an all-powerful Lord of magic that can't be beaten. The second part is up to you. I need you to start spreading the word that someone is winning against Voldemort, and give examples. The public has to know each and every time that we stop a Death Eater attack. Every time we rescue someone from a Dark rite. Every victory we make has to be made public or we will never have the belief power to back us when I finally fight Voldemort."

Moody stood up. "So you still plan on fighting him one on one?"

"Absolutely. I'll plan and train to do just that, right up until I find out that Dumbledore has lied about the actual contents of the prophecy. Then all bets are off."

"What do you mean, Dumbledore lied about the prophecy?" This from Minerva McGonagall.

Harry said, "I don't know if he has yet. On the other hand, he's the only one who's heard the damn thing. The one who spoke the prophecy never remembers them after she comes out of her trance. All copies are destroyed in the Department of Mysteries. The only thing we have to go on is his word. And judging from Severus's face as I recited the version I heard, he doesn't tell everyone the same lines."

All faces turned to look at Snape. He just nodded his head in agreement.

"So to sum it up. We need to get the truth out there, not just the parts that won't destroy our sources. We need to get people doubting Tom Riddle's myth about being an all-powerful Lord. And we need to keep Dumbledore out of this particular loop, as he'll try to use it to force the prophecy he's been spouting into happening on his terms. Those of you in the ministry, revive the rumors about death eaters getting off of charges. Find the trial transcripts and anonymously send them to the Daily Prophet so they start working for us. We need to ruin their reputations so badly they suffer financial loss because their followers don't trust them."

Standing in the centre again, Harry concluded, "I realize this is a different style of warfare than you would normally think of. I'm not bonkers, no matter what it seems like. We are stuck in between Voldemort, the sneak attack terrorist who wants to rule through fear, and Dumbledore, the master manipulator who prefers to control the world from the shadows, pulling the strings of those who think they are in charge. Circling both of them are Fudge and his ilk at the ministry, who'll say and do anything to keep themselves visibly in charge. Any battle strategy that hurts one helps the other two, so we need to develop three different strategies, hopefully getting them to take each other out for us."

Snape finally spoke up. "Is that what happened at the feast? You manipulated the minister into facing your Patroni in front of the reporters, and left Dumbledore to clean up that mess?"

"And it took you twenty-four hours to realize what really happened. Just think Professor Snape, if I had been sorted into Slytherin back in my first year, I would have been head boy by my third." He grinned at the head of Slytherin House, and then at his two Gryffindor best friends. All three looked stunned at the thought.

"On that happy note, I'll let you guys plan what you can for this little scheme of mine, and I'll get back to convincing the headmaster that the prophecy is bonkers. The sooner I can do that the more likely I'll be successful at avoiding becoming a murderer just to end this war."

Moving over to talk to Hedwig, he said over his shoulder, "One more thing. If Voldemort hears that bloody prophecy I lose. With both him and the headmaster believing in the stupid thing, I'll never convince either one that they're going to lose."


End file.
